I am by no means an expert in parenting. Heck! I’m only 3 years and 2 kids deep, but we have already had our fair share of tantrums. Gavin has a speech delay so his frustration is usually at a boiling point and ready to blow at any moment. I feel for him because he is pretty bright and knows exactly what he wants, but is not able to articulate his wants and needs to us. It has been a huge learning experience trying to deal with his frustrations.
I’m sharing 5 ways that we tackle those toddler tantrums.
This for us is the biggest help! When our Occupational Therapist told me this advice something just clicked. We had been doing the exact opposite and thinking about it now, it’s no wonder why our tactics weren’t working. Now when Gavin starts to tantrum we try to stop and think, “what is it that he wants or needs?” instead of just getting frustrated with his behavior. It’s pretty amazing to see how fast his fit subsides once we ask him to “use his words” {sorry if that term makes you cringe, it’s a way to ask him in a way that he understands}. It could be something as simple as a rock in his shoe and if we hadn’t taken the time to ask him what he needed, we would just be getting mad at him for acting up because he was in pain. That would be a total parenting fail.
This is one of my biggest pet peeves. Have you ever seen the mom and dad at Walmart who’s kids are acting up and the parents yell at them? I don’t know about you, but when I am upset or angry and someone is hostile towards me, my first reaction is definitely not to stop and calm down. Why in the world we expect a toddler to respond that way? It makes no sense, right?! It usually makes me even more upset and there is no way I want to listen to anything they have to say to me. The golden rule is to treat others the way you want to be treated. I don’t remember ever reading a clause that says “except for your children”. Children learn by watching and if you want to teach them to be kind themselves, that lesson starts with your actions towards not only others, but especially them.
There are some situations where it’s just not worth it go to battle with a toddler. It is in these situations where I choose to employ Diversion Tactics. This tool is best used with toddlers under 3. It is at this age where they are easily frustrated and it is even easier to distract them. Instead of having a heated battle over the kitchen knife, divert their attention with a hammer! Totally kidding, kind of. Let’s replace the kitchen knife with cousin Bobby’s pacifier and instead of a hammer, let’s divert his attention with the bouncy ball that lights up. Some call this bribery, I call it keeping Mommy out of the nut house. It is okay to pick and choose your battles, you don't have to be at war 24/7. Give yourself a little break every now and then. You deserve it.
Do you get upset when your 2 year old acts like a ….gasp! 2 year old?!!! The nerve of them, right?! Sometimes we parents just need to suck it up and realize that our precious 2 year old is not always going to act like the well behaved 22 year old down the street. I can’t expect that my son is going to be able to stand still in the 20 minute bank teller line without trying to get in to mischief. When you have unrealistic expectations of your child, you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. Expect that they are going to get upset if they don’t get their way, expect that they will get board easily, expect that they are going to need your attention. If you are prepared with tools to handle these behaviors then they won’t be as traumatic…for either of you.
The natural reaction to a tantrum is panic, heightened emotion, frustration. It is hard to breath before you react and be calm in these situations, but doing so will give you the opportunity decide the appropriate response and in turn be more effective. It really is hard work to parent {notice how I used parent as a verb, not a noun?}. Parenting is an action, it takes effort. If you want to improve your situation, you have to be willing to put in work. Next time your little one throws the most epic of tantrums in an incredibly public place, take a moment. Evaluate the situation before you react.
Ask yourself,
*What is the cause of this tantrum?
*How would I like to be treated?
*Is it worth the fight, could I divert their attention to something else?
*Did I expect him to tolerate a situation that is beyond his 2 year old capabilities?
And then handle the tantrum. If you do these things and always treat your children with love and respect, hopefully these outburst will be short lived and happen less often.
Do you have a way to deal with tantrums that works wonders with your little ones? I’d love to hear about them!
